It’s time to multiply the voices.

No, I’m not talking about the voices in my head. For years, the voice of this blog has been mine, but going forward it will be the voice of many, sharing their views and experiences as teachers of awareness in the workplace, as well as thoughtful, provocative and sometimes cynical research around this topic. 

I am talking about the voices of new consultants joining the Simple Intentions team to speak about and support corporate consciousness. Yes, Simple Intentions is growing, adding unique consultants with different corporate backgrounds but all united in a common belief that the power and skill of awareness can transform the way people live and work around the world.  

Our website, too, is new, and includes a Resource page where we are building a collection of conscious content as it relates to the workplace. I will still post from time to time, with the intention of sharing my experiences teaching and speaking around the globe. And of course, I’ll continue to post photos of my travels on Instagram (Simplejae1).  It is with humble gratitude and childlike excitement that I welcome the many voices of Simple Intentions.

Simple Intentions

It’s been awhile since I posted to this blog.  Though I made no public declaration, it was intentional to stop.   I began to feel my efforts were contributing to the clutter that I speak and write about minimizing.   In some ways I saw blogging about balance as a contradiction and my fear was (and still is) this will seep into the clutter.  I also stopped tweeting, abandoned my company Facebook pages and made the choice to not publish any of my seven books as e-books. 

I know, I know, it was a bit extreme and Luddite of me; but at the time, it felt right.   I listened with cynicism to the voices of peers (many peers) and advisors touting the importance of creating a social media presence for my brand.  I felt overwhelmed by the volume of options at my fingertips to create, share, and continue “connection”.   I struggled with wrapping my mind around how to make the connection feel authentic.  (I still don’t how to do so.)  To be blunt, having Facebook likes or being retweeted didn’t (and still doesn’t) feel like I’m adding real value to world.

Then I saw this year some magic in people using these tools in heart centered ways – for example, the poet David Whyte, the author Brene Brown and Humans of New York.  And I felt inspired.  Beyond being in the room, I’m unsure of how to create meaningful connection. I don’t know if it’s possible for me to use social media with real soul, depth and sincerity, but I’m excited about what might be possible.  (Please keep expectations low as Humans of New York is a super high bar.) 

What does this all mean? My speaking engagements and workshops go on, alongside publishing printed books (I have to hold out somewhere).   Back is this new/old blog and a new FaceBook author page.  My intention is to write, share (and continue) the conversations I have around the world with teams in hopes of linking people struggling with work-life, workload, and energy balance.  What I’ve seen in six years and over 50 counties – we are more alike than different in our struggles with balance.   We are humans of the world, looking for love, acknowledgement and acceptance in all of our environments, at home, at work and the spaces in-between.

Moving forward blog posts will be made to my author page and no longer posted on my personal page.  (They might get lost between the endless photos of trees and flowers!)  Also new, is the blending of my publishing and consulting companies under the single brand Simple Intentions, all this change is guided by the simple intention to create and share conscious content that generates intentional conversations.  

Make way in the clutter, I’m looking to homestead.

The Next 5 Years

Where were you 5 year ago?  It seems like another lifetime to me.  It was when I made a choice that impacted and enriched my life in ways I couldn’t have imagined at the time.   It was 5 years ago this month that I left the comfort and security of my fulltime corporate communication job to start a consulting company focused on work-life balance. 

Many people thought I was nuts, (some still do) some wanted to quit with me and others watched with curiosity to see what would happen.   Turns out companies care more about their employees that what many employees might think or feel.  Turns out, people at all levels have a lot to say on this topic and the conversations show no signs of slowing down.  

Over the last 5 years I’ve noticed many things that I’ve made an attempt to capture in a think paper: From China to Chile:  The Challenges, Triggers, and Choices aboutWork-Life Balance.   Spoiler alert – work-life balance has nothing to do with the number of hours you work, your family structure or your gender.   

I’m grateful beyond words to have had the fortune to facilitate conversations on the topic in 20 countries and reach another 10 virtually.  These conversations and countless other in cafes, bars and airport lounges around the world have shaped this paper and deepened my awareness on the real issues humans face when it comes to seeking balance. 

Thank you to every person in my workshops, (and strangers on planes who sat next to me) for having the courage to be honest with themselves and me about what balance mean to them and what life would be like if they had it.

Here is to 2018 and thousands more conversations on the real issues surrounding the topic.  

Work-Life Balance: Beyond A Woman’s Issue

Sheryl Sandberg chief operating officer of Facebook and author of the new book Lean In is making waves on the topic of work-life balance and women in the workplace.  As an author and expert on work-life balance I’m grateful to see the issues getting media time in a new way.   If I’m being truthful, I feel mixed about her messages.

Don’t get me wrong –I love the conversation she is creating about women and ambition.  I absolutely agree and support her message and can identify with many times in my life where I didn’t lean in – where I sat back and watched; only now seeing that I was just as worthy as anyone else in the room to have a seat (and voice) at the table.

My mixed feelings come from some of the comments about work-life balance coming out of the conversation.  I fear the topic is being dragged back to the 1970’s when it was perceived as a working woman’s issue.  It is not, it is a human issue. 

I have worked with men and women in over 30 counties and I know first-hand the struggles to balance life is not gender specific.  Men and women might use different words to describe the pressures and emotions they are felling, but the outcome is the same – men and women both struggle with the choices and tradeoffs they feel are required to “make it” in the modern working world.

Sheryl thank you for bringing the conversation back in to the spotlight. Now let’s take it to the next level and talk about it as a human issue.  It’s time to open our eyes to the impact work-life balance is having on countries, companies and individuals around the world.    

Text or no Text

Why do you text someone and when is it ok text?  Really, why do you choose to send a text over calling, sending an e-mail or in some cases saying nothing at all?  

Texting is so fast and easy many times it’s hard to resist firing off a quick idea or thought, (or an update on arrival time) when in reality, it’s not necessary or the right tool to deliver the message.  Five years ago would you have called someone to say “parking now”?

Our relationship with our mobile devices is getting more and more complicated, we use it to call, e-mail, Skype, and text we work from it and run the rest our life from it. So when using it for 2-way communication one can assume there is a conscious choice to use a specific method to match the message.    

When it comes to texting, I’ve found people all over the map with why and when they use it and the choice isn’t very conscious at all. For example, I’ve been noticing my own texting habits.  A few times I sent texts with messages I’m not sure I’d say to face-to-face and I sent texts to avoid conversations.  I also sent texts for context on location and timing and some to make people feel good.  And when I made the effort to think about it there were many texts I didn’t send at all that became e-mails or conversations and some things I didn’t share at all.  What I learned for me is if I can’t say to someone – I will not text it.    

Coming back to the beginning - why do you text someone and when is it ok text?   (There is not right or wrong answer – only what is right for you.)

Working from Home

There has been quite a bit of buzz lately about work-life balance in the media.  One thing in particular people have been asking me about are the changes at Yahoo, where CEO Marissa Mayer has banished the work from home policy.   Some studies say over 26 million people work from home.  For each of those 26 million people I believe it’s a privilege to do so.  Companies do not have to offer this as a benefit, they choose to for many reasons and employees have come to expect as a given. 

From what I understand about the issue this wasn’t a random decision, the data showed that overwhelming employees were abusing the privilege and were not actually working when they said there were.  It takes an enormous about of discipline and commitment to one’s role to be able to successfully work at home, day after day.   As we talk about in my workshops – work is about outcomes not hours and location and if the outcomes are not there then changes to behavior have to be made – in this case the change made was around location.    

Now, if after a year when stronger work outcomes (hopefully) have been achieved if the policy maintains then I will have something different to say.  For now, each company is different and has its own unique challenges and goals and there are some cases and points in time where working from home is not the right thing for the company.   Part of any job is to support what is right for the company, especially if you are both and employee and stockholder in that company.  

 

Sit or Stand

There is more research on the the positive impact to productivity and moral when employees use standing desks.  An article posted today to Medcity News, states that standing at work can add as much as 2 years to your life.  Yup – 2 years – regardless of a person’s fitness level.    Even if your company doesn’t offer the option for standing workstations, if you are a corporate athlete, it’s worth considering how to get off your bum a bit more during the day.   

The Cost of Pleasing Everyone

A very smart 11 year old girl shared some sage wisdom with her father last night, “I can’t tell you what success is, but I can tell you that failure is trying to please everyone”.    So right she is.  I see it in every workshop I teach in every country I visit; the desire to please everyone is a root case of life imbalance in and outside of the workplace.    

We all do it, at least once in a while, agree to do something we don’t want to do or have no intention of following through on.  Some of us do it more than others and the reason isn’t because there is anything wrong with that person or the way they think or function in the world, it’s actually comes from a place of good intention.   

People try to please everyone because it’s our nature to please others, when the tribe is happy and at ease we are safe.  Not to mention I have yet to meet a person who enjoys disappointing someone.   We all want to be liked, more than that we want to be accepted and loved for what we believe in.  It’s an emotional risk to say no to others.  They might reject us, get mad at us or not support what we believe in. So it makes sense that we say yes sometimes to prevent rejection or an argument.

The thing to consider is, each yes you give to someone else that you don’t truly support or feel good about, is a no, a rejection to yourself.    There is a fine line between an authentic yes to someone else and an authentic yes to your own needs.   The magic is that the people in your life who truly support you will understand the difference and will be completely at ease with your no’s. 

Ask yourself, would you rather be loved by a few people who really support what’s important to you or by many who don’t really know what you stand for?   

Enough With the Resolutions

This time of year, you see it discussed on television, hear it on the radio, your friends and family might be talking about it too, resolutions for the New Year.  Don’t get me wrong I’m a huge fan of setting goals and looking at the big picture of what you want to create in life.  

What drives me crazy is the hugeness of many people resolutions.  It’s no wonder so many folks fail or ditch them entirely before the calendar turns to February.   Setting intentions can revolutionize your life, but the intentions don’t have to revolutionary to do so.   

Participants from my workshops have told me their entire lives have changed just by not taking their cell phones into the bedroom at night.  Others have shared that creating date night with their partners has transformed their relationships and others say that learning to listen to their bodies has reduced the level of stress in their life. These are not life changing resolutions, they are small intentional actions.

Instead of thinking about setting big resolutions for the whole year, maybe choose one or two intentional actions to practice each day.    

Go Ahead – Have a Few Regrets

If you asked me a few months ago if I regret anything in my life the answer would have been a very quick no.   Up until now, I’ve not really believed in having any regrets.  I believe all of our choices good and bad lead us to be exactly where we need to be until we have enough information or awareness to make a different choice and accept accountability for our role and emotions. (Besides, it’s never easy to admit and own the fact we’ve made a mistake about a person, a situation or expression.  I mean, who wants to be “wrong” in this perfection driven society?)

What I’ve learn is that the capacity to feel the emotion of regret is true gift, one that can bring you closer to the elusive state of “balance”.   I discovered two things about regret that surprised me.  The first is regret goes to the core of your values being in conflict – either at your own doing or by someone else’s actions.   The second is being honest about linking the regret to your values leads to freedom. Freedom in understanding why you make the choices you do, act, say or behave certain ways in a certain situations.

The pitfall of regret is when we stay stuck in that space.  We go to the place where we replay our story over and over again and the opposite feelings come out like gilt, anger, shame or maybe fear.  I’m no expert but I’m pretty sure those emotions won’t lead to personal freedom or put you closer to living your values. 

To welcome 2013 - feel any regrets you have, understand, release them and move on.   You might be surprised to discover the liberation in being “wrong”.

Do Europeans Really Have Better Work-Life Balance?

The perception is people have it better in Europe when it comes to work-life balance.  It’s a common belief I hear teaching, mostly attributed to amount of vacation time and government laws that dictate work weeks.   By law, most of the counties in Europe have a built in social responsibility to support a lifestyle of working to live, giving Europeans a leg up on the rest of the world when it comes to achieving more balance in life.  

For example the work week in France is 35 hours and in the UK it’s 37 hours.  Average vacation time is about 4 weeks in addition to government and national holidays – resulting in about 5 weeks (or slightly more) of vacation days each year.  From what I heard most people take all of their vacation time, if you don’t you lose it. It’s not like in the US in which you get to “roll it over” like cell phone minutes. 

So yes, at first glance, the Europeans have an easier go of reaching a better state balance on vacation and work policy alone.  However the issue goes a bit deeper. 

The folks I met work just as hard as anyone in any country.  Some people were quick to say they have even more pressure to perform at the same level in less hours than there global peers.  Now each country has its own cultural nuances however, overall there were some commonalties I noticed teaching in the UK, Ireland, France and Germany this month.

·         People take a proper lunch break most days. They leave their workspaces and go to a café or canteen to eat and connect with each other.  Not only that, they do this without laptops and cell phones and most times they do not talk about work. 

·         Many people had 2 mobile phones, one for work and one for non-work and they didn’t carry their work devices around when not working.

·         Many admitted to exceeding the standard work week once in a while, however when they do most will stay at the office and not take work home with them.   

·         In some of the buildings the lights actually turn off by 8PM making working late difficult.  

·         Overall most I talked with do not work on weekends unless it’s absolutely necessary.

·         I noticed people smiling and laughing more in office environments.

·         They ask different questions in the workshops. For example we spend more time talking about the “why” of imbalance compared to most counties where they want to only focus on “what” to do about it.

I learned enough on this trip be dangerous with my observations.  I would say the Europeans have some leading advantages on the issues, and I also saw many areas in which there are even greater challenges, which is a different post for later.  Perhaps even requiring an extend stay to more properly research the topic. 

How Does this Time of Year Make You Feel?

It started a couple of weeks ago; it will grow in intensity, and then lay dormant for eleven months. What I’m talking about is the emotional and physical energy of the holiday season.  Regardless of your faith it’s almost impossible to escape the energy shift that happens this time of year.   

The season evokes many feeling inside of us, the desire to please others, the want to be included and acknowledged, and hope for proof those around us really know who we are.  It’s easy to get caught up in the swirl to please, to say yes, to do exactly what you have done year after year. 

Ask yourself, how do your decisions make you feel?  Are the expectations you have on others and the ones they have on you realistic? Do the people you are choosing to surround yourself with raise or lower your internal flame?   In the mad rush of the season, pause and consider what you want to create.  (Hint: there is no wrong answer, only your answer.)

The Relationship between Perfection and Balance

I see it so many times.  It doesn’t matter what country I’m in or what company I’m working with, I see a direct relationship between the quest for “perfect” and the level of balance people feel.  What I’ve noticed is that people who strive for greater perfection tend to be more dissatisfied with their lives than those who are comfortable with the concept of “good enough” once in a while.  (This is not about living a life of mediocrity, but rather the ability to know what and when to let it go of.)  It’s not an easy lesson to master; I still struggle with this myself.  Letting go of the notion of perfect, if even on just a few things, can be very scary, as the path to perfection brings a sense of control and control brings comfort to many.   I found a great passage on the concept this weekend that I wanted to share.  It comes from Melody Beattie’s book, Journey to the Heart. 

“Let yourself be who you are. It’s difficult to be around people who are trying to be perfect – perfectly healthy, perfectly polite, perfectly poised, perfectly controlled.  Remember that being human means being imperfect, being flawed. Let yourself be. Let others be. Stand up and reveal who you are and know that you’re good enough.  Stop worrying that people will find out who you really are. Instead, hope that they do.  Help them by openly sharing yourself and being not who you think you should be but who you really are.” 

What not aim for “good enough” on a few things this week?

A New Direction

I’ve rename the blog, Your Choice, as balance is your choice and taking accountability for that choice is not always easy, that is where I come in.

Since 2008 I’ve been teaching and writing about work-life balance.  I’ve taught thousands of corporate employees in over 15 countries including India, Russia, Japan, Singapore, France, Germany, Canada and the United States. In these workshops I’ve heard from people who are struggling with many different challenges, and what I noticed is people have more common than different.  And that is the new direction I’m taking this blog and my business – to what we all share in common in our struggle to create balance in our lives.

In my travels people ask me the same two questions. What was it like for the people in ZYX country? What is my level of balance like flying all over the world to teach and write?  I have learned there is such a curiosity and desire to learn from each other on this topic and through this blog I will try to facilitate that learning, share more stories, more best practices and more about my own journey. (Just because I know better doesn’t mean I always do better!)

Before the year is out I will teach in the UK, Ireland and France and the path for 2013 will bring me to South America and China and who knows where else. Wherever there is a team willing to talk about the issues, I am willing to hold the conversation.  I anticipate having some great conversations, tidbits and tips to share moving forward.

If I Only Had More Time

I’d be wealthy beyond measure if I had a dollar every time someone in workshop said if they only had more time they would have better balance.  My belief is it’s not about having more time, it’s about how you use the time you have.  And this article on Inc.com, 3 Ways to GetMore Time Out of Less can you get you started in the right direction.  

The Secret to Lasting Success

Can lasting success be as simple as learning to be more grateful?  According to a bit on Inc.com – success can really be that easy – read more in True Secret to Success (It's Not What YouThink).  Perhaps this weekend spend sometime thinking about what you are grateful for and wanting what you have right now.

Perfectionism & Worthiness

We've all done it – said something so mean to ourselves that if anyone other than ourself said it we’d deck them.   But there we are beating ourselves up over and over again about doing, saying or being XYZ.  In a recent article posted to CNN called Want to be happy? Stop trying to be perfect, author Brené Brown, talks about the link between perfectionism and happiness.  She says, “We get sucked into perfection for one very simple reason: We believe perfection will protect us. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame.”   If that got your attention, the rest of the article will captivate you.   I highly recommend for anyone who has ever flirted with the need to be perfect at anything.

Yes You Can Have it All

There is an article buzzing around called Why Women Still Can’t Have It All, by Anne-MarieSlaughter.   It’s a thought provoking piece that has stirred the work life balance meets feminism pot quite a bit. As an expert in work life balance, I’m having an issue with the article, not because the author doesn’t make great points – she does.  Rather because I look at the issue of work life balance in a different light.  First, paramount to my work is the belief that balance is a human issue not exclusive to a single gender or family structure.  Second, I believe you can have it all.  There I said it.   However, the key to having it all is in defining AND then being ok with what “all” means to you. That means not measuring your life and how you live it by it society, media or any other person’s ideas of what “all” means.  Having it all is up to you and your ability to truly want what you have.   Having it all is a choice, just as much as work life balance is a choice.

Busy. Bored. Ungrounded.

I knew I was not alone in cringing every time someone utters the word “busy”.   When I hear this word, my automatic assumption is the person who is "busy" is living out of their values, or filling their life with stuff to help them deny the fact they are living out of their values.   In this opinion piece in the New York Times, called The Busy Trap, the author discusses busy as way to avoid boredom or anxiety.   It reminded me of a concept Buddhist monk Pema Chodron, writes about as “ungroundedness”, a state in which people actually sit, feel and process all that is going on around them without the need to move to action, resolution or even draw conclusions.    So go ahead, I dare you, this weekend don’t be busy be bored.  Better yet be ungrounded.  

Digital Boundaries

What are your digital boundaries?  Let me explain.  How do you prefer to communicate with your friends, family and co-workers?  Is it e-mail, text, voice mail, instant message, Skype or a combination?   My guess is it’s a mix. But what you choose for your boss is probably not the same as what you want with your family and friends.  In my workshops we talk a lot about setting boundaries to find better balance, so much so I have a whole separate talk just on setting boundaries.  So you can imagine my delight at seeing the Wall Street Journal today a story called The Miscommunicators – all about setting digital ground rules.   It is a must read.