The Fantasy of Balance

Regardless if you work for a corporation, yourself or you don’t work at all – deep down we all think about the things we’d do better or change if only we have more time to do it. The last few weeks have left me feeling a bit inadequate as a friend, lover and business person, so the other night I began thinking about the things I want to do better given this new chance to mold my day when my consulting business starts full time. The illusion is I will have more time or rather I will be more in control of my time to really own decisions for how I balance my life.

Some random things I’d like to change, do or strive for:

answer my emails the same day I get them
call friends I haven't talked to in months to just say hello in the afternoon
send thank you note for the little things
send birthday gifts on time and plan enough so they won't always come last minute from Amazon.com
return calls the day I get them
go out to an early dinner and have one too many glasses of wine before 6pm
workout in the middle of the day
buy groceries at the Wednesday farmer’s market
meet friends for lunch
conduct business in coffee shops
write on my blog in the mornings
pick up the phone in place of writing e-mails
have fun
work from the boat a couple days a month
celebrate how cool my job is
be grateful for the problems I have

Happy Business Birthday to WLB

Been a bit since I’ve been able to post – have been sucked in by the corporate machine – days jammed with meetings, overflowing e-mails and the last 2 weekends I’ve ended up working a few hours. I have walked into the house at the end of the day on at least 3 conference calls barely acknowledging family. One night I felt so guilty about breaking my own boundaries – I stood outside in the drive way for 30 minutes to finish a call before walking in.

At the same time I’m giving in a bit slightly out of guilt knowing that April 15 is my last day as a full time employee with my company. As I mentioned, I’m leaving to start my own consulting company and my first contract begins on April 17, ironically (and on purpose) with current employer. (hold your comments and let me explain)

I won’t lie – it was just easier that way and the money is too good to turn down. Using the relationship example - I look at it like we are a couple in counseling now and maybe I’ll be able to stay in the relationship now that I’ve set my boundaries - or maybe I will file for divorce – only time will tell. For now consulting for my current company was the best step I could take to begin forming the balanced life I aspire to.

Today is the official birthday (paper work filling and fee paying day) of my WLB Consulting Group, LLC. Get it – WLB - Work Life Balance Consulting Group – sounds corporate enough where I have 3 partners and meaningful enough to me to remember why I am doing this.
The ultimate goal with WLB is to create, teach and distribute content that will help people ask the questions they need to identify what balance means to them and the tools to take accountably to achieve that balance. (More to come on this in the coming months as I have 2 brewing partnerships to support this direction that I will blog about once they are finalized)

To pay the bills and support that long term goal of WLB – I will be offering consulting services to help business improve the way they communicate to each other and generate awareness around how a business is perceived by its employees, partners and customers through communication and perception audits, content create and so on.

It’s amazing how much my attitude about my work has changed looking at my endless piles of to do’s now as clearly defined scopes of work that I can bill for and seeing my co-works now as potential clients. I seem to like everyone and everything a bit better.

E-mail Overload – You’re Not Alone

In case you needed more validation than conversations with co-workers – being buried in your in-box is a global work productivity issues. A firm in the UK estimated that dealing with pointless e- mails is costing them £39m a year. Some companies have gone as far as to hire e-mail consults and create e-mail free days. (Note to self: add e-mail consulting to list of new services for my business.) Not only has that but the article stated that Britons take 14 million sick days due to stress every year and that can be related to too much e-mail and having it available to you 24x7x365 on a variety of devices.

The article also mentions Ray Tomlinson who in 1971 ( that is 36 years ago for those slow at math) wrote the code that enable him to send e-mail between two computers.
E-mail might have been created 36 years ago – however it only been 15 years (give or take) that businesses began adapting as it a communication tool. It’s odd now to even consider business without e-mail.

I think back to my first job out college where our company was just building a Website and trying to figure out how to make it more than a brochure on the computer. Somehow without e-mail I managed to sell a great deal of print advertising for a national magazine using my personal charm in meetings or by phone and a fax machine to close deals. I wonder if I would have sold more or less ads if had been using e-mail at the time.

Now most companies use e-mail as the primary communication tool to do everything – talk to clients, make deal, communicate to employees and now employees us it as a proactive way to protect themselves from bad deals, angry clients or back stabbing co-workers. (Which I’m convinced doubles the amount of e-mail in my in-box.)

Maybe they should change CC in Outlook to CYA – because that is the primary reason people add someone the CC line. Which makes me wonder how did people cover their asses before e-mail?

About Balance

Balance is different for everyone – the questions that get you there are the same

The idea of balance is not taught at school

The concept of balance in not disused in most families

The practice of balance is not reinforced by current American business models

The need for balance is essential to heath and well being

Balance at work is marketing speak for recruiters

Most introductions to balance come from a crisis of imbalance

Learning balance is a hard

When one area of life is in balance another goes out of balance

There is no end point for being in balance it’s always evolving

Balance is like unconditional love – you know when you have it and it requires honoring yourself to experience it fully

Expectations

Expectations are a dangerous thing – especially if you don’t communicate to other people what they are. Obviously this is true in romantic relationships – we’ve all seen (or maybe been in) the scenario where one partner has an expectation they fail to express and then they are mad and confused when the other partner fails to meet that expectation. Or worse – the expectations become so high that over time one partner expects the other partner to fulfill every need they have. (For many reasons this second scenario has disastrous results as it’s unrealistic to expect one human can meet every changing and dynamic needs of another - no matter how pure and genuine the love – it’s just not realistic.)

Just like it’s not realistic to think one company can meet every one of a person’s professional expectations. Working for a company is a lot like being in a romantic relationship. First you have to define what you want in the partner (company) and then date, (interview) to see if there is a match. When a match is found the courting, (working) begins and all is great –you meet the family (team) experience the honeymoon phase that leads to marriage (promotion).

One partner (company) is usually really clear on communicating expectations and giving feedback on if they are being met (review and compensation). The other partner (employee) is really good at being reactive (high performing) and attentive (dedicated) to the expressed needs.

All is great – one partner (company) is having their needs meet and the other (employee) is being rewarded for their behavior. This is great if the attentive partner (employee) is communicating their expectations (career path, training, promotion timeline) and a healthy relationship dialog is occurring.

However from what I’ve seen in the corporate world most times this looks like toxic relationship and at some point the attentive partner (employee) realizes that they have their own needs and because they were trying to impress the other partner (company) they forgot to communicate their expectations as the relationship grew and evolved and their expectations are no longer being met. And maybe by then the expectations were so huge that there was no way the partner (company) could ever fulfill them because the other (employee) wanted all their previously un-communicated expectations fulfilled whether it was rational or not for the other (company) to fulfill.

Be clear on the expectations you have for your company to meet, ask yourself if they are realistic and if you have clearly stated what they are – if not take the chance – you might be surprised what might happen if you are clear about what you want.

Making it Work

I’ve started this entry about 10 times now. I want to say so many things and at the same time I’m so over talking, writing and thinking about balance as it applies to my silly little drama. I need a balance break.

I see people at work way more senior then I spread so thin I wonder who’d they be without work. I see how they only fill their lives with work – all night, every weekend, all the time. I see how they look down on those with children as under achievers, and make snide comments when a parent makes a balance choice. I hear the rude remarks and it’s disgusting.

I see a friend with 3 young children face cancer for the second time and struggle with the need to hang on to his benefits to afford treatment knowing work takes precious time away from his family. I see self employed friends and family fight just as hard to build a business and make time for each other as any corporate working stiff.

And I see myself letting go, giving in to the notion my experiment with my company has already failed. I’ve given up on the hope that I can be in balance and work for a company that is out of balance. I just don’t like the way it feels so it doesn’t matter if it’s possible or not. It’s like being a vegetation chef in a steak house kitchen – why would anyone do that? And any curiosity around if it could work for the sake a good essay or two – is long gone.

I pulled the trigger a few weeks ago and now the gun is going off – I’m starting a consulting business and I want to keep this dialog going. My intent is to tell other people’s stories here – not the doom gloom of too many hours and e-mail overload but the positive solutions and ideas from people who are making it work. Because it can work it – you just have to want it to.

The Devil You Know

I thought the journey to finding balance was going to be much easier once I had accepted accountability for my own actions. I thought that having the awareness mixed with setting boundaries and saying no was going to be the hardest part of the journey. I was naïve to think it was that simple.

Now that I see the world in a different way – I can’t unsee it and go back to the way it was before. It’s like when you are looking to buy a new car, you become aware of all the cars like that one on the road when before you hadn’t noticed how many (enter car name here) were driving around.

Now that I’ve tasted the succulent flavors of balance - I’ve become almost allergic to the smell of mania and bitter bite of craziness around me at the office. It’s making me physically anxious like I’ve eaten a bowl of candy and chased it with a pot of coffee.

It’s more than that – I’ve become even more aware of the balance struggle among my friends and family – and I realized I live in a half world mixed with those who inspire me to move forward on this journey and those who’d like me to just shut up and stop talking about it because they are still in that denial, self preservation mode making my ramblings a threat.

Which extends the thought of balance past the work environment to the home environment – and how the interpersonal workings of a family and friend network can be just as disruptive to ones sense of balance as a toxic work environment can be. And moving forward from that type of balance disturbance can be even trickier than changing jobs or saying no to a boss because you are dealing with deep emotions, obligations and years of history.

For many – being out of balance is all they know and even the idea of being in balance – causes panic. Change is hard – especially when it’s for the better – because there is no “better” comparison to mirror – no understanding of what a positive change will feel like. And that creates fear – and fear creates indecision and tolerance of toxic situations – weather it be at home or work. It’s the whole devil you know thinking.

In the end it always goes back accountability for yourself. Ask yourself - do you want to live with the devil you know or are you ready for the pitch fork to be removed from your ass?