The Resistance

You know what the resistance is, it’s that moment you are really fired up to try something new, something that you’ve been thinking about for a long time, you’re about to begin, it’s exciting and scary at the same time, then the internal little voice of doubt takes over. The next thing you know, it’s same old same old, the doubters won, and you’ve talked yourself out of whatever it was you were going to do. You are once again, doing, living, being in the same old way, thinking about what it would be like “if only”. We have all been there.  In this great video, The Resistance, by Seth Godin, he explains in more detail what is occurring in the brain at the mental and physiological level when we find ourselves in this precarious place between pushing forward and status quo.

Making the Choice

I’m working on my new book and I’m collecting stories from people about the moment they made the choice to live a life of balance. For each of us that moment is different. For me the moment I realized I wanted to live a different life and the moment I did something about it where very different, and I think that is the same for many people. I want to learn why people make the choice and when they are able to actually uphold that choice through their actions. I also want to know how people maintain their choices overtime. If you want to share your story, drop me a line. I hope to collect over 100 stories and create an anthology of experiences, some I will post to the site, and others will become part of the book.

Black Friday and Compassion

On this “black Friday” as materialism at its worst descends upon the masses for the next month and we head into the season of perpetual “busy” I’ve been thinking more about what I learned about compassion at the “Building Compassion, Trust and Happiness” seminar with Dacher Keltner, Co-Founder and Executive Editor, for Greater Good Science Center at University of California, Berkeley. Don’t misunderstand and think that I’m anti-holiday; it’s more that I’m pro building authentic holiday experiences, rooted in compassion. Dacher talked about compassion blockers, or what he called cultural breakdowns in building compassion and I realized that many of the blockers he described are hallmarks of the holiday season, the supposed time of the year we are to be the most compassionate for humankind. Some blockers include being perpetually “busy”, cultural ADHD, and youth obsessed economic mindsets, this show up as being over-committed, over-stimulated, over-distracted which impairs your ability live a life of compassion.

Ironic.

How can you build a holiday season that allows you  tobust through the compassion blockers and be more in the moments of the season?

Cycles

One of my favorite books of all time is The Dip, but Seth Godin. It’s a little book about when to quit and when to stick things out and how to know the difference. I have probably bought 10 copies of the book for gifts, as the book is masterful at creating personal awareness around why you are going what you are doing. Seth has a great blog as well, recently he blogged about stress and he said, “We can choose to create cycles that move us up or endure cycles that drag us down.” He goes on to say, “If being a little behind creates self-pressure that leads to stress and then errors, it's no wonder you frequently end up a lot behind.” Check out his blog for more practical useful nuggets.

Rescue Time

October and November have been busy workshop months for me, and in my workshops I hear some great tips and advice about balance and stress management, one tip from last week is a website called Rescue Time, automatic time tracking and management software. The site claims to on average recover 3 hours and 54 minutes of productive time per week per person. If you are like most people in my workshops, you are looking for more time in your days and weeks. You might say you want the time, but are you willing to really take a look at how you are spending your time to understand to how to “create” more productive time? If you are ready to go there and make some behavior changes, this software is for you, it will track your tasks and give you reports with suggestions, it will even “block” certain sites (that you select) when you are in “focus time” mode. Check it out if you are serious about understanding where your time goes every day.

Proof: Living in The Moment Makes You Happy

Some new research findings published in the journal Science this week found a connection to day dreaming and unhappy thoughts. In short the study found the more your mind wanders; the less happy you are, meaning those who “live in the moment” are happier. Matthew Killingsworth and Daniel Gilbert of Harvard created and iPhone application (Track Your Happiness) to track peoples moods overtime.

According to a Washington Post article by Rob Stein, “On average, the volunteers reported that their minds wandered 46.9 percent of the time and no less than 30 percent of the time during every activity except sex, the researchers reported. People reported being happiest when they were engaging in sex, exercise and conversation. They were the least happy when they were resting, working or using a computer at home.”

The study showed that "what people were thinking was a better predictor of their happiness than was what they were doing." Powerful proof that the quality of your matters. Choose a happy life by choosing happy thoughts.

Greater Good

On November 5, I had the opportunity to attend a daylong workshop on the science of compassion presented by Dacher Keltner, Co-Founder and Executive Editor, for Greater Good Science Center at University of California, Berkeley. It was amazing to see hard scientific data supporting the benefits of living a more compassionate life. I’m finding it difficult to capture in one blog post just how much was covered and how many “ah ha” moments I had listening to the connection between science and feeling. The idea of compassion as a “master nerve” in the body is a huge idea, one that has the possibility to transform the way people value “soft skills” in the workplace. I was amazed to learn that just like stress, compassion has its own hormone cocktail that floats around in the body, that if I understand the research correctly, can lead to a deeper level of happiness. More than that, the data says that by developing more compassion in your life, you can reduce stress and sickness and increase joy. If you have any interest in creating more joy in your life – check out the Greater Good site.

Now here or Nowhere

This summer a friend of mine inspired me to do 40 days of Yoga, following the Barron Baptiste program, which included a Book - 40 Days to a Personal Revolution. It was a fantastic experience and the book was very inspiring, full of lots of great balance and stress reducing nuggets independent of any yoga practice. The same friend sent me one of my new favorite quotes from one of his others books, Journey Into Power.

"Now here, or nowhere. Interesting, isn't it, how the only difference is a little extra space. All life happens in the present moment."

Get out of your Inbox

In the book, Making it Big in Software: Get the Job. Work the Org. Become Great, by Sam Lightstone, Google's Director of Research Peter Norvig, was interview and had some thought provoking things to say about work life balance. I’ve posted a juicy quote below that was sent to me last week by a workshop graduate that he found on LifeHaker.

“People get out of balance when they see their value as being able to respond quickly. If I see myself as a machine for answering email, then my work life would never stop because my email never stops. If instead I see my value as separating the important from the unimportant and making good decisions on the important, then I can go home at a reasonable hour, spend time with my family, ignore my email and phone messages all weekend long, and make sure that when I return to work, I am in the right mood to make the good decisions.”

SPUN Up For Sale

It’s official, my book that takes after my workshop of the same name, SPUN Up: Success with Stress is for sale on Amazon. This is isn’t your typical stress management book, it’s short and to the point with five strategies for reducing the amount of stress in your life. The catch is it all sounds easy, however changing behaviors and old patterns can be really hard. The book can guide you towards small ways to change behaviors that tend to cause more stress in your everyday life. check it out if your interested in lowering your stress level.

Are You UPLing?

In the book The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks, the concept of self limiting behaviors is addressed through the easy to understand concept of the Upper Limit Problem or what he calls the ULP. The ULP’s are what we as humans do to ourselves right when we are about to really be happy or experience success. They are the output of our inner saboteurs. For example, work is going great, you just got a promotion and you get in a huge fight with you partner, or perhaps you get engaged and find yourself sick. The scenarios are endless, and I imagine without much thought you can recall a time where something really great was happening and then something not so great happened. The ULP’s are the situations we invent to keep us from experiencing success or happiness. The Big Leap talks about how to stop inventing these situations and experience happiness.  Do you have the courage to stop inventing road blocks?

Children and Stress

Downer alert: the news is not good for children who grow up in stressful environments. Posted today to the BBC Heath section, based on new research a group of psychologists warn that adversity and stress early in life leads to long-term ill health and possibility early death. Stress is scientifically proved to impact immunity and cardiovascular health. In addition, living in stressful environments can create hyper vigilant responses in children to perceived threats, making normal daily interactions with other a point of stress. Children in the study who were in stressful environments had higher blood pressure, harder arteries, increased anger and hostile responses.

Studies like this make me sad and they also inspire me that we all have a part to play. By helping to reducing the level of stress adults feel, or at least helping to create awareness in adults around how they respond to stress, I hold on to the belief that those lessons have the chance of trickling down to the children of stressed out parents, and a new generation will have the tools to make different choices about how they respond.

Quote for Today

I read this in a cooking magazine related to making good food choices; however it works great for balance and how you manage stress as well.

“What you do everyday matters more than what you do once in awhile”.

What do you do once in awhile that you wish you did every day? What is stopping your from doing it every day?

Stress and Motherhood

Oxford University recently conducted a study that measured stress hormones in women planning to have a baby and found that those who were experiencing more stress had a lower chance of becoming pregnant. It has long been theorized that stress decreases fertility, this is one of the first studies with hard data supporting this theory. The theory makes total sense when you think about what stress hormones do to the body, they work to keep you alive when you are facing danger. So it’s logical that when the body thinks it’s facing danger that it might not be the best time to conceive. Regardless if you are actually trying to start a family, the article also talks about yoga as a way to reduce stress.

Perfection vs Clarity

Based on what I'm seeing in my research and workshops, I’m learning that many times stress is generated around expectations we put on ourselves or others to be perfect. And what is perfect anyway? Just like balance and stress, perfection means different things to different people, so what is or feels “perfect” to you might not feel or be perfect to your partner, boss, family, friends and so on. When you shift the focus on being or getting clear around expectations, the intensity in driving for or obtaining perfection dilutes and the power of perfection is diminished. This is so because the conversation has moved from the abstract (perfection) to reality (clarity) and magically the level of stress begins to melt away.  How is your need for perfection showing up in your life?

SPUN Up

Have you ever been so stressed that you feel as if you are spinning round and round in circles like one of those old fashion spinning tops? You are not alone. Millions of people right now are spinning round and round. In fact, The Center for Disease Control and Prevention sates that more than 80 percent of medical costs in the U.S. are stress related.  More fighting than that is The American Institute of Stress states that as a direct result to workplace stress U.S. businesses loose over $300 billion annually. Holy moly, that’s a lot of money that we could be putting toward innovation and education.
So how do you stop spinning? It’s a question I get quite a bit when teaching my work life balance workshops. When I began this journey three years ago, I believed that stress and work life balance went hand in hand, and that is partially true. Those who are out of balance are normally stressed out. And those who have balance, well they get stresses out too. That is when it occurred to me that just like with balance, there is not really one way or place in which people learn to manage stress in a healthy proactive way. (No wonder 80 percent of medical costs are stress related.)

So, I created another workshop purely focused on stress, called SPUN Up: Success With Stress. It’s designed to empower you to take ownership for managing stress in a proactive, positive, productive way. Participants will learn what stress is, the physical and mental impact of stress and five strategies for managing stress that are healthy and sustainable for the long-term. And there will be a book coming out the fall as well, so stay tuned for details.

Employee as CEO

The foundation of my workshops is based on personal accountability and cultivating the knowledge that the choice is yours every day for every action and every thought you have. Another great gem from Tom Peters that echos this that I feel compelled to blog, “The employee quarterbacks her or his work life. Controls her or his benefits. The employee is "CEO" of his or her workspace. That is the New World Order.” 

How are you running your company today?

Live With Confidence

I believe that many times when we struggle with stress or balance we are struggling with confidence, confidence to speak our truth or act with pure intention. That lack of confidence acts as a barrier between living the life you want verse repeating the same cycles over and over again, and creating a present life rooted in the past. So how then do you develop inner confidence to be and speak your truth? Dr. John Demartini, human behavior specialist and author has 10 steps to get you started down the path to live each moment with more confidence.

Choice and Balance

Time and time again I talk about how balance is a choice, each and every day you have the choice to do say or act in ways that are either going to bring you closer to or pull you further away from the balance you desire. I came across a great quote that captured this perfect from productivity and performance expert, Dr. Denis Waitley, “There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.” What choice are you going to make today?

Actions

Did you know that more than 80 percent of communication is non-verbal? So when you’re not speaking you are still communicating.  I was reminded by how important our actions are if we want to create a life that is in balance. Ralph Waldo Emerson said it best, "Your actions speak so loudly I cannot hear the words you say". What are you actions saying about you?

Tips For Productivity at Work

I wanted to share with you a to the point article about how to be more productive.  The author, Sally McGhee teaches an amazing productivity class centered on Microsoft Outlook, just like David Allen’s “Getting Things Done”, the content can revolutionize your life, even if you only adopt part of the system. I took her course many years ago when I was an employee at Microsoft and I still use many of the tips and tricks to keep my life flowing.

The Slow Reading Movement

The Slow Reading Movement


I was reading a book the other night in which two characters were quoting lines back and forth from The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer. I wondered if the ability to recall a poem or quote literature is becoming a lost art, disappearing with payphones and pellet ice. So last week when I saw a headline about the “slow reading” movement, I was sad and grateful at the same time. It seems that students are being taught to read more for speed opposed to content and retention and there is a movement afoot to try to change the tide to teach students “the experience of words”. The executive humanities editor at Harvard University Press describes it as a worldwide reading crisis. I tend to agree when you consider full length books are competing with instant message, text, and e-mails for the attention of tomorrow’s leaders.

Are You A Purpose Maximizer

I came across a great video with Daniel Pink that talks about how autonomy, mastery and purpose are what make a great workplace and increase personal satisfaction. I love the part about how when the profit motive becomes dethatched from the purpose motive, bad things happen. I think that can translate to the home environment in ways when the life you are living has gotten away from your purpose.  Can you relate?

Consequences of Distractions

I’ve posted before about the Myth of Multitasking (how it's not very efficient and can make you stupid) and there is more information out in the New York Times today around the myth and the mental price we pay by being consumed with so much technology. In short, we are becoming a nation unable to focus and block out extraneous information which causes us to experience more stress and have less ability to think deeply and strategically. The article mentions a new study in which, “Computer users at work change windows or check e-mail or other programs nearly 37 times an hour.” Holy cow, no wonder so many people are struggling with balance. I’m exhausted just thinking about the mental process needed to alter my thoughts 37 times in one hour, something to the extent of every 100 seconds. I highly encourage you to read the article, especially the doubters out there who still think multitasking is productive.

Baby+Work+Famiy Event

Over the weekend I attended an event called Baby+Work+Famiy sponsored by ParentMap magazine. About 300 people turned out, mostly women, to listen to others talk about work life balance, and to meet some vendors that might be able to make their life easier. (My company is offering a special workshop in June that is more focused on being a parent opposed to be an employee.) The key takeaways from the event keynote and panel speakers are not that different than what I teach in my workshops: take care of you so you can be strong for yourself which in turn makes you strong for others, know how to say no and ask for help. All good sound advice. What was missing for me, that I feel is the cornerstone of my work, was the notion of choice, that it is a choice to live with more balance every day.

Though the information was practical and it is very helpful to hear what others do that work for them, I’m not sure many people left feeling empowered; I do know they felt like they weren’t alone. I admit I’m totally jaded on this topic, and might be overly critical having been rolling this content out in corporations where it is all about the results and takeaways. Maybe my lesson is to ease up on the takeaways and be more in the stories sometimes, that sometimes community empathy is just as important as empowerment.

Either way, I applaud the magazine for putting on such a great, authentic event as I know there is a huge demand to gather, talk and learn about ways to feel more in control. There are millions of people that suffer from imbalance and don’t have even have the slighted idea about where to turn for a resource or how to find good role models to learn from, so I’m grateful for the magazine raising awareness on the issue in my community.

Deep Dark Fears

As part of my personal and professional development I’m training to become a professional coach. In the training we have been talking about fear and the incredible power it holds over us. Part of the conversation about fear it that most of us fear success beyond measure, because for most of us the unknown of success is just as scary as the known feeling of failure. I know I fear success, what my life would actually be like if all that I’m working toward manifests. Sometimes I fear it just as much as I fear the idea that my life stays the same. There is so much power in fear; I wonder what it would be like to be able to transfer the power from fear to possibility. A dear friend of mine who is in the training with me dug up a quote from Nelson Mandela about fear that speaks to that very point.

Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear
is not that we are inadequate,
Our deepest fear is
that we are powerful
beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness,
that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
“Who am I to be Brilliant,
Gorgeous, Talented and Fabulous?”

Who are you not to be?

You are a child of the universe.
Your playing small
does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened
about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel
insecure around you.

We are born to make manifest
The Glory in the Universe
that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us;
it is in everyone.

As we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated
from our own fear,
our presence automatically
liberates others.

--Nelson Mandela – 1994 Inaugural Speech

Values and Actions and the Abyss In-between

I teach in my workshops the importance of checking in with yourself as your needs for balance are always evolving, and a student challenged me a few weeks ago to “take my own workshop”. I accepted the challenge, in that I went through the exercises I ask my students to do. Perhaps because I live with this content everyday as I teach and write about the subject, it’s easy to stay in my head about it and disconnect from the heart/emotional struggle that roots our actions and values and keeps many people spinning out of control.

It’s very easy to conduct my workshops and advise audiences about the importance of aligning their values to their actions. I have many stories from my past that I can pull from to talk about the struggles I’ve had that come from acknowledging what is important to me, realizing I’m not on a path to achieve it, and staring at the empty abyss that appears between my vision and my reality. In “taking my own workshop” I have a renewed appreciation and respect for my audience in asking them to take this inventory and consider jumping into the dark scary abyss in-between.

I was reminded that it takes a great deal of courage to change a course of action, especially when the path has been laid out for many years in some cases. It takes strength and humility to examine one’s life and acknowledge, perhaps there are disconnects between our words and actions. It takes even more guts to change behaviors and communicate to the ones you love what’s not working for you and what you want to do about it.

Seeing my content again through my students’ eyes, I’m reminded that once you see your actions are not in alignment with your values you cannot “unsee” it. But seeing “it” is no guarantee you will take action, it only means that you now know you are part of the problem as much as you are part of the solution. In the sea of the in-between abyss the choice to act on your awareness is what makes the difference between those who ultimately sink or swim. The good news is every day is a new opportunity to sink or swim, and I’m grateful to my students that they continue to challenge me to keep swimming, seeing and evolving on my own journey for balance.

Long Days Are Bad for the Heart

For those of you deep in your workaholic addiction, there is now more proof that working too much is bad for your heart. A new study points out that those working 10 plus hours a day are more likely to suffer serious heart problems, including heart attacks, than those who work 7 hours or less.

In an article about the study on Yahoo! Health, it states that the hours alone don’t cause heart problems but that long hours are linked to a lifestyle that can be “associated with work-related stress, which interferes with metabolic processes, as well as "sickness presenteeism," whereby employees continue working when they are ill.”

What really stirs me up, and not in a good way, is when people who are ill, stress induced or not, continue to show up for work and put themselves, their families and their companies at a disadvantage. What kind of a world have we created in that we enable each other, and teach our children that our health comes last?  Everytime you or someone you love goes to work sick, they might as well show up wearing a shirt that says, “I’m a martyr and I don’t think my health is important”. What stirs me up even more, are adults who are surprised by children who exhibit the same behavior with schools and activities and struggle with learning how to take care of their own health, and putting their needs first.

As millions of children watch sick and stressed out parents continue to go to work and neglect self care, I fear for the workforce of  tomorrow and shudder to think what they might teach their children.

After the Why THEN Who?

Have you figured out your WHY yet? If you have, celebrate it and share it. If not, keep moving through the through process, be patient with yourself and don’t over think it, as humans we tend to over complicate things, odds are your why is sitting on the tip of your tongue. Once you have the why figured out, then it’s easy to move to you whats. More than that, is the question of your whos. If you know your purpose and have an idea of what you are going to do about it, if you are not sharing it with the right folks for you, it’s almost as bad as not knowing your why. I saw great quote from Jim Collins, author of Good to Great, Built to Last and How the Mighty Fall, that really speaks to this, “You can pick the right whats, but if you’re with the wrong whos, life is going to suck.”

The Why VS the What

I was forwarded a very inspiriting video by Simon Sinek called “Start With Why”, of which he has a book of the same title. He says that “There are leaders and there are those that lead. Leaders hold a position of power and influence. Those who lead inspire us.”

Aside from this being required viewing for any entrepreneur, he has some great points about leaders and motivation. More than that I think his message also translate to those who are seeking better balance in their life – think of yourself as the organization he is talking about and ask yourself – what is you why, then look at you how’s and what’s and see where they line up. Time and time again I see in my workshops most people forget, or don’t even know, their own why’s.

Do you know your why?

Worst Place to Be a Mom

Now I’m not a mother, but I can tell you this news story still got my attention in a big way. According to a new survey compiled by Save the Children which analyzed a range of factors affecting the health and well-being of women and children, (health care, education and economic opportunities) the United States ranked 28 out of 160 countries. Norway, Australia, and Iceland were the top three counties to be a mom. One of the reasons provided for the U.S. position was that this country ranks behind many other wealthy nations in terms of the generosity of maternity leave policies. Bull’s eye right in the heart of a woman’s struggle work life balance. Even through the data shows that work life balance is no longer just a woman’s issue; studies like this are a good wake up call to the unique challenges women face around the choice to be a mother and have a career.

More on Stress

Stress is on my brain right now as I’m piloting a new workshop offering called SPUN Up that teaches people how to think about Stress in a proactive way. Let’s face it, we all have some level of stress in our lives and it’s not going away anytime soon, so we might as well learn how to make peace with the parts we can, let go of what we can’t do anything about, and have fun despite it.

A fellow workshop facilitator friend sent me an updated number about the cost of stress that is absolutely mind boggling. According to the American Institute of Stress, in the United States it’s estimated that stress costs $300 billion annually to U.S. business. The cost is attributed to “absenteeism, employee turnover, diminished productivity, medical, legal and insurance expenses and Workers' Compensation payments.” That is a whole lot of cash that could be used for innovation, education and maybe even higher salaries, if only people were more balanced with themselves and their work environments.

For those of you that work from someone, there is also a nifty little stress test on the site to measure how much stress you have. For those of you that work for yourself the questions are a good reminder to ask yourself what type of environment are you offering your employees and yourself.

Stressful Jobs

Last week I moved into a new office, a loft style space with 12 foot ceilings and my company name (Work Life Balance Consulting Group) on the door. The space is large enough that I can teach work life balance and stress management workshops onsite for about 15 people, and quite enough where I can get some great writing done. To my surprise the fire inspector showed up on my second day to take a look at the space, happily I passed inspection with flying colors. What was interesting about the experience was the conversation I had with the fire inspector on the topic of workplace stress.

Even though a new study posted on CNBC ranked firefighters as having the most stressful job, my firemen told a different story. He said most fire fighters are not that stressed in the same way corpraote workers are and that they have great work life balance for the most part, even though they have incredibly stressful jobs. Most of them pick these jobs not for the compensation but because they want to be of service and they want a flexible schedule, sure it’s hard living together with 10+ men sometimes, but the family/brotherhood aspects create a second type of compensation or payoff. My fireman friend went on to say that for highly stressful situations, ones that involve kids, intense hours still resulting in death and badly burned bodies the firemen in his district get same day stress counseling. They get together, talk about their feelings, vent a little, unload, debrief and move on. According to him, most of his peers deal with stress incredibly well because their jobs help put the little things into perspective.

Later that day I began to wonder if mangers in corporate America talked more openly about stress and the stress brought on by change if more employees would feel less stressed because their experiences and events would be out in the opened and acknowledge. What would happened if after a reorganization or layoff a work group did some sort of stress coaching?

Toxic Managers

A big part of work life balance is the people in your life, both in and out of work. When it comes to work, your relationship with your manager is extremely important when trying to set a stable balanced environment. Some good questions to ask yourself: Do you like your manager? Are you learning anything from them? How do they make you feel? What do you like/dislike about their management style?
Unfortunately not are bosses are inspiring or do their part to create a healthy working relationship. Having a toxic relationship with your manager can cause great amounts of stress and instability in your work life that will carry over to the rest of your life. I came across this article on Yahoo about how to recover from the “bad boss blues”, there are some good nuggets in here if this is a situation you are currently facing.

Listen to Your Body

The mind and the body are connected. We listen to our mind when it tells our body to do something, like walk, talk, jump, run type and so forth. Why then do we ignore our body when it tells our mind we are in need of a break and too much stress hormone is engulfing our body? I recently found a very simple power article by Women’s Day that covers 9 warning signs for stress in your body, that apply to men and men.

Multitasking is for Suckers

I didn’t use to believe that multitasking was a waste of time. I prided myself on being an amazing multitasker, able to juggle many things at once and hold multiple thoughts in my head while performing different actions. I thought I saved time. What was hard to admit was most times I ended up revisiting many of the tasks I was doing to finish them or fix them because I wasn’t fully completing any task.

In my research journey on work life balance I have found countless studies that prove multitasking is another way of saying “divided attention” and is a waste of time. There is something to be said for what I call level one multitasking which is more around the flow or organizing your day or your process in an effective manner. Like starting the laundry before you cook dinner or printing a long document out while you go grab a cup of coffee. A new study in Journal of Science reports that the brain actually “splits” in half to multitask and to do anything more than two things at once can result in irrational decisions because they are only being made with half of the brain.

I don’t know about you, for me I prefer to use my whole brain when making decisions. This article is a good reminder to stop and think even more when I’m tempted to divide my attention and do more than two things at a time.

People Get More Work Done When Not at Work

It is certainly worth taking note that in a recent survey conducted by Microsoft, which interviewed 3,600 employees in 36 US cities, 60 percent of employees stated they were more productive and efficient when working remotely. More than half of employees surveyed said they were more productive without the distractions of the workplace like, “drive bys”, commute time and other unscheduled workplace distractions. The study stated that less than half of all companies (41 percent) support remote work policies. The question I have is – is working remotely, away from the office, the answer? Might it be a better option to create a workplace in which work can be done at work. The study is posted on the Microsoft PressPass site.

Breathe

A recent study conducted in Seattle found that after receiving 10 massage sessions people suffering from anxiety had half the symptoms – the same results were true of simple relaxation such as deep breathing alone with perhaps some soft music. I’m huge fan of both methods of relaxing, what excites me about this study is that massage is not an affordable option for many people not to mention when you are facing issues around work life balance you are most likely pressed for time. This makes breathing, or relaxing alone for a few minutes, a great FREE option for people to reduce the symptoms of anxiety.

Working Moms – Good for Kids Health

In a recent article posted to the BBC’s website, reports a new Australian study, “Do Working Mothers Raise Couch Potatoes?” has netted some interesting and results. The study suggests children of mothers who work part-time are healthier than those of their full-time or stay-at-home counterparts.

The children in the 2 year study of 4,500 per-schoolers were less likely to watch TV and eat junk food and less likely to become obese. The study suggests it’s a matter of quality time over quantity of time spent with children. The magic number of hours worked seemed to be 34 a week, anything beyond that, or for stay at home moms, the kids were more likely to have less healthy habits. Researchers do not know the answer as to why anything over or under creates a different behavioral result and no doubt they will keep studying the topic.

One thing that comes to mind for me is of course the balance issue. In this case it’s not about balanced time or scheduling, but mental balance of the inner self for these mothers. And a more balance life for mom where she is feeling important or valuable in some way outside the house, might contribute to her being a better mom. If a mother is feeling a sense of purpose that is solely about her, (not her partner or children) her interaction with her children might be different and quite possible with her husband too. Not only that, how children perceive their moms might also be different, contributing to a more meaningful subconscious connection in the times they’re together.

A New Breed of Workaholic

Recently I’ve had a handful of experiences with people in or very close to a work life balance breakdown. In three cases the breakdowns manifested physically through stress induced diseases (shingles, fibromyalgia and high blood pressure) and in one case a pure mental collapse at the acknowledgement they are doing something every day that is out of alignment with their values.

It is true there is such a condition as a workaholic – even W.A. support groups and a W.A. Book of Recovery. I think for some people they are indeed workaholic’s addicted to work in a way that it’s a detrimental habit, where the costs are greater than the benefits. However, what I’m seeing in my work is something deeper, a new layer, something that is a hybrid between the behaviors of a workaholic/addict mixed with the emotional makeup of a trauma survivor.

It’s a theme I’ve been observing over the last six months as I coach people and teach my balance workshops. There is an addiction but it’s not necessarily work, it’s more an addiction to feeling important or valued or an addition to fear around letting go or surrendering control. I see compulsive behaviors replaced by survival behaviors, deviant actions substituted with self destructive choices and preoccupation replaced with feelings of being overwhelmed and helpless. Married to symptoms a trauma survivor faces like avoidance, anxiety, stress, irritability, hyper vigilance and difficulty concentrating and sleeping a new type of “workaholic” has emerged.

Like addicts, I’m seeing overdoses in a way that shows up physically through stress related illness or mentally through emotional breakdowns, depression or anxiety. It’s like a balance crash. The good news is such situations can represent a turning point, like it did for me over two years ago.

I passionately believe it doesn’t have to come to a crisis point to learn lessons of balance. It’s possible that this addiction, condition, situation, whatever it is, is entirely preventable by learning new skills that empower people to listen to mind and body and cultivate awareness between values and actions.

Transformation lives in accountability

I can’t recall where I clipped the following quote - I have it saved in my inbox to remind me that the choice is always mine.

"Accountability is the opportunity to live at choice rather than accidentally.

Accountability is the opportunity to carve out the future rather than to sit back and have it happen to you.

Accountability held from a stand as one's word is the ground from which one's own transformation is created."

Who Really Thinks About Balance?

I was at the gym today working out and I was enthralled with the Jerry Springer show. Not the actual topic, something along the lines of “my cheating baby daddy”, but the question that popped into my mind – is work life balance an issue for the people on the show?

Are they on stage in the back of their mind thinking about how to fit it all in – how to get the kids to wherever, the presentation done, the house cleaned and the summer vacation plans in action? Please forgive me if that comes across as highbrow or elitist in anyway, that is far from my intention, just stay with me a few more sentences.

I ran 3 miles wondering if the folks on stage dream about having more time to themselves or if people in the audience struggle with trying to fit it all in. Which then lead me to thinking about the home viewing audience as well, and thoughts around what is nagging on their minds that has to be done after the show ends.

My question triggered by the show is pure, who really thinks about work life balance and how do they think about it outside the ivy towers of the corporate world, which admittedly is my main frame of reference with the subject.

I don’t know for sure, but I do know from the workshops that the triggers are different for everyone to bring them to their balance breaking point. So maybe the majority of people don’t frame it the same way as the legions of corporate minions do – but we all want the same things to feel love and happiness and have time to enjoy the things that are important to us.

It doesn’t matter where you live, what you do for a living, how much money you have, your religion, your skin color, your weight, the size of your house or the words used when you’re feeling out of control - we all want balance in some way.

Simple reminders

The path to balance doest have to be overly complicated – sometimes just a simple reminder is need to check in yourself. A friend of mine sent this to me yesterday – it’s been in her desks for years – very worthwhile to pass along as a small reminder when you’re feeling a bit out of control.

B alance is something you can achieve
A llow others to share the load
L et go of unrealistic expectations
A ct upon your goals and priorities
N o is a word you can learn to say
C ommunicate effectively to strengthen relationships
E xpect and plan for the unexpected

Linking it all together

For the last year I’ve been working on 2 separate but related projects – both with the goal to empower people to empower themselves.

This project the work life balance project is about planting seeds and encouraging people to look at their values and actions in way that might lead to a more balance lifestyle.

The other project - called Simple Intentions – focuses on empowering people one word at a time when they need a tiny nudge through simple products like bamboo wall tiles and custom t-shirts.

The reality is both projects make up one company focused on – you guessed it – empowerment.

In a separate but related conversation I was talking about what I wanted to accomplish in the next decade. Simply put I want to empower 1 million people to feel empowered. I want to in some way inspire 1 million people to know they are in control every morning when they wake up to choose their life, their mood and how they spend their time. It is that simple – one company – one mission – 3 offerings – wear it, read it or listen to it.

Do you want to be part of the million people that own their life?

Unhappy and Young at Work

Almost half of all US workers (45 percent) say they are unhappy with their jobs according to new report by the Conference Board that was released today – the lowest number in the 22 years since studying the topic.

For comparison in 1986 61 percent said there were happy in their jobs. Yikes. That is a lot of people walking around unhappy and we learned from Brain Rules and This Emotional Life – you have one brain you take with you everywhere and if almost half of all US workers are unhappy at work – I can only guess how that might carry over at home and school.

Something in the study jumped out at me – workers under 25 have the highest level of dissatisfaction. I wonder if this has always been the case throughout the years as this age group is dealing with the end of a collage party environment and the reality of the real world. Or is this a bigger generational shift that the over stimulated, tech savvy children of over protective parents are cut from a different cloth and might always struggle to adapt to rules and structure inherent in the current corporate America landscape.

Another report on this topic called The Reflexive Generation – Young Professionals Perspectives on Work, Career and Gender talks about how this new generation is constantly reflecting on the relationship between self, work and life with work being characterized by self management and the need for instant gratification and feedback. (Something that might explain the dissatisfaction numbers above – as the current “work world” is not set up to employees instants needs for gratification and the majority of roles for young people I wouldn’t exactly say lend to self managing.)

One can be optimistic that demands of the younger generation at work will help shape a better world of work for everyone. My last thought about the study is what are the other 55 percent doing differently that make them happy at work?

Emotional Balance

Tonight on PBS there is a 3 part documentary about happiness called This Emotional Life. In the media promotion of the material the concept of emotional balance is discussed, a concept that I feel is an integral part of achieving overall balance between work and the rest of your life.

As Brain Rules author John J. Medina puts it, “You have one brain. The same brain you have at home is the same brain you have at work or school. The stress you are experiencing at home will affect your performance at work, and vice versa.” So it makes absolute sense that your emotional brain impacts every area of your life in the same way a stressed brain does, because it is the same brain.

Sounds so simple, yet you’d be surprised the resistance in the workshops sometimes to this notion. Some people want to believe they are superhuman (or nonhuman) and that they don’t take work home or home to work and they believe they can compartmentalize their feelings and emotions and not have cross-over – like removing a tie of taking of the heels results a magic emotional metamorphosis.

Perhaps work life balance is more an issue of emotion and stress balancing and really isn’t much about working at all. Rather work life balance is about how you interact with the people and events in your life, of which work is a part of. And how you interact with your own emotions and manage stress in and out of work largely determines the level of balance you feel.

I look forward to watching the series to learn more