Everyone’s Got a Story

Since I started posting I’ve been receiving many e-mails from people who can relate to long hours and feeling drained. Just last night I was talking with friends over dinner and one of them had worked 10 days in a row about 10 hours a day on the 11th day – burnt out and stayed in bed. Another friend talked about leaving home at 5;30am to avoid commuter traffic and staying at work until 6 or 7pm. That’s a long week that doesn’t allow much time for anything other than work.

These friends are not alone – I know at least 10 people, who keep similar schedules and I’m sure you know just as many too. How many of you have family members, friends or loved ones who constantly miss events because of work or are “too tired” to do anything on weekends? It doesn’t matter where people work – I think it’s the same feeling if you are bagging groceries, own a business or are playing corporate games.

What last night’s conversation made me think about is that work life balance isn’t just about the individual it’s also extends to family, friends and community. The impact rolls through society - “I had to work”, has become such a common and acceptable excuse for missing life events – most people don’t think twice about what this means.

My guess is we as a society and individuals are in denial about how impactful this dis-balance has become. This denial – is preservation in many ways. The self denial at least for me was what keep me moving forward everyday – the family denial is what keeps arguments from happening and a false sense of harmony in the home – the community denial is what keeps psychologists in business.

And once you stop the denial – in some ways you become a threat to those around you. Those who are steeped in the cycle don’t want to be challenged. When I started leaving work at by 5:30pm there wasn’t a huge amount of support from anyone. A few people even asked if I was sure that was “ok” to do. When I stated challenging my friends for working on weekends – their responses were chilly and worst yet when friends blew me off for dinners and coffee – I called them out on it. Just like many of my “out-of-denial” friends has done to me months before.

When I was deep in the zone I had 2 friends who actually put me on “probation” because I had missed so many engagements with them. And for what? To sit at my desk alone and write a document that no one really cared about for a product that wasn’t going to save the world, anyone’s life or do anything that special. What in the world was I thinking when I made the choice those documents were more important than, friends, family and myself?

Preservation is what I was thinking.